I have returned. Let me give you a funtastic recap of the last several months.
As many of you know from previous posts, about a year ago our life had a dramatic change. We had a very painful and residually harmful break from our church. That went on in one form or another for about eight months or so, including half truths and untruths being said about us from mainly one source.
That was, of course, very stressful and trying, but we were starting to bounce back when, out of the blue, my wonderful husband was laid off from his teaching job one contract shy of Georgia’s version of tenure.
I found out soon after that I would not be able to go to full-time teaching, and I was no longer going to have a position at the school I had been at for five years.
Super fun times!
In the wake of all of this we have chosen to remove any sliver of victim mentality by making some choices. I feel quite sure that some of them are controversial at best, but just deal with it, mmkay?
I got a really REALLY rad job at a private military school as a learning specialist. It basically rocks. It’s one of the hardest jobs I’ve ever had, but also one of the most rewarding. I’m constantly busy, and I have a lot of plates spinning at the same time, but I like it. It’s the first time I’ve really liked a job since my first two years teaching. Kind of amazing.
Also, with our newly found single income budget, we have chosen to put our house on the market for short sale. Feel free to buy it. It’s really cheap.
We don’t even care at this point if the mortgage company decides to foreclose on us or anything. We were at the point of living on beans and rice (and NOT in a cool vegan way) if we kept the house (potentially not even affording it then). Oh, and did I mention that this is all due to the fact that we are too broke to refi and too well-off to modify. Yay, middle class! Thank you Nationstar. You are amazing. Not. (1990s humor there).
So we have mentally let go of it and all our pride at this point. It’s ok, though, because we really feel free for the first time in a while. We know that we are making the right decision.
I would typically be pretty tight lipped about all this, but there is something liberating in bearing it all publicly. It’s as if I strip everyone from having any power over me in the form of gossip or knowledge. If I wear it all on the outside, it makes me not a victim. No one can whisper and pity me. No one can talk about how sad our situation is. I mean, hey, I’ll take all the pity I can get. Please donate to my Paypal account (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you feel the need.
Honestly, though, we don’t need it. Because we have sold off a heavy portion of our belongings and are downsizing our living space to a still very roomy place to live, we have made it work for us.
The bonus to that is that I’m feeling very detached from the material for now. Also, Matt is getting to spend all day teaching and hanging out with our amazing son. Side note, he is a boy genius. He can say more than half of his alphabet, recognizes the letters, and says the sounds that they make.
What is not so silver is that the stress that we were under caused me to make some poor decisions about health. We chose price and convenience over health, and I am carrying about twenty five or so more pounds that I was before all this happened.
Boo hoo, right?
So I am trying to turn that around, and I’m trying to make some really good changes in my life both physically and spiritually, thus the still relevant title of Whole Food/Soul Food.
Meditation for the day: John 12: 24-25
24 Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. 25 Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.
That’s what I really care about. I want to be able to give things up and not hold on too tightly to what I feel I have earned or that I deserve. Those things are far from important in the grand scheme of things. It’s no wonder that Matt and I felt a sudden relief and lightness when we understood that the way to gain back our lives was to give up those things that were tying us down the most. The church we were in and the sense of loss and loneliness, our home.
At the end of the day, when I snuggle my sweet boy, and I look at my beloved, I can honestly say that I have what I love right there with me, whether we are in a beautiful 3 bed 2 bath cape-cod with a full daylight basement in a nice neighborhood with a half acre lot in a great school district (seriously buy my house!) or in a cardboard box. I will hold on to my duty to be a strong and faithful wife and a wise and loving mother. Their souls are what matter to me.
And that is the story we find ourselves in for the time being.